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On Jealousy: Taking My Time

· jealousy,jealous,theater,theatre,acting

I still get jealous (if you sung the Nick Jonas song, I hate you). I am a known pity-party-thrower, green-eyed monster, giver of the behind-your-back stink face. When I see someone that fits my current definition of success better than I do, I automatically shift into workaholic mode. Okay, what do I need to do to "match their level?" What other classes can I take? What skills can I learn? What more can I create? (I've also been known to send the occasional snarky jealous text to a friend to feed the green-eyed monster even more, shhh.) I convince myself that I am not dedicated enough to my training, to my networking, and to my self. And thennnnn, I realize that I do not have the time and/or the money to pile on even more things on my already packed schedule.

Eventually, my (still in training) "New Perspective" voice comes in and gives my old habits a good talking to. Why am I jealous? Is being jealous of this person going to help me advance in my career? And my personal favorite: Is this person a similar type to me? As in, would I ever be in the running for the same role as them? Usually, the answer is no. This question in particular helps me see the bigger picture: Everyone is driving on their own road. Yes, I've heard this a thousand times. I'm right where I "need to be." It is still hard to accept.

People cannot be positive all the time, least of all me. Yes, jealousy still affects me in an almost immediate sense. But now, it seems to be more reinvigorating than frustrating. The last time I got really jealous, it made me get over the fear that was preventing me from achieving a goal head on. I decided to invest in myself and break down my goal into smaller micro-goals. At first, I was taken aback at the amount of time it would take to achieve it. Then, I realized that if I had not broken past my fear of the goal, it would've taken me way longer. Instead of taking the time to be frustrated over the fact that I had not worked on my goal, now I'm taking the time to work on it directly, step by step.

Seeing my friends and colleagues (and the occasional person on my Instagram Discover page) manifest their goals and dreams into reality helps me laser-eye focus on my own. It lights a fire under my butt. And for that, I'm glad I still get jealous.